Happy New Year.

The fireworks went off about half an hour ago, so apparently I survived until 2008. New Year just doesn't mean a hell of a lot any more.

I'm sure a lot of that is my age. At 52, even discounting the first few that I was too young to be aware of, I've over 45 of them under my belt. The novelty is gone. That could be part of why the holidays in general are so much of a drag any more.

Another part is that my new family just doesn't celebrate in the sense my family did. Even with the depressive episodes (or maybe because of them) the holidays were always big deals with my family. Filling the larder for the Thanksgiving and Christmas feast always began weeks before the actual holiday. Cooking began several days before with poppy seeds soaking and bread drying for dressing, cookies and pies baking, on good years the Divinity (a white fudge popular in parts of the south) being make and set out, holiday candies set in dishes around the house. All the holidays had their own signature food for dinner. The turkey and dressing, sweet potatoes, corn, cornbread, the usual assortment of veggies, both cooked and in the raw veggie tray to snack on between meals and an assortment of pies (mince meat, pecan, apple, pumpkin maybe more) and cakes (white with chocolate frosting ana a lemon bundt were almost always represented, and sometimes more) graced both Christmas and Thanksgiving. New years was the black-eyed peas and ham, also with cornbread. Not has much deserts for new years, but probably something.

Now, while we do have turkey for Thanksgiving (usually 2 since I do a smoked and my mother-in-law does a roasted), and dressing (but it's a white bread dressing I don't care for), that's about it. Someone usually brings brownies, and there is usually a Mrs. Smiths frozen pumpkin pie. The frozen corn on the cob or potato cassarole aren't even garanteed, though usually present. I probably start cooking first since smoking is pretty much slow cooking by definition, so I usually get up around 4 or 5 in the morning to start the turkey. Other than cleaning the smoker and thawing/seasoning the turkey the night before, no food prep occurs before the day we eat. Christmas is even less. Christmas eve we usually have ham and potatoes. When I first moved here they did Chicken and Dumplings as a Christmas day meal, but that went away. No one else felt like cooking it, so I took over for a couple years, but apparently no one liked my rendition. Now it's up for grabs from year to year. New Years they don't even do a family meal, so we just eat pretty much what we do every other day. I tried making the Black-eyed peas and ham a couple years, but I was the only one to eat it, so why bother.

I wonder if it's because my wifes family isn't partiers? While my parents didn't go out and shut down the bars that often, I've seen both of my parents after they had too much to drink. It was a safe bet that there was something with alcohol being passed around New Years (my parents weren't big champagne drinkers, but sometimes they popped a bottle), and any guest that dropped in over the holidays was offered a drink. We don't have guests. In our case, the house is to big of a mess to let anyone in, and if we did, there's not a clear spot for ME to sit in the living room, much less extra people, and my bed is usually still spread on the couch downstairs (since I don't current fit on the bed with all the junk). My mother-in-law has a couple friends she sees from time to time, but as far as I can tell, they plan their meetings. I've never heard of anyone just dropping in. A difference between north and south? Difference between big and small cities? Difference between social and asocial?

My first drink for New Years wasn't until I sat down to write this. Jose Cuervo straight. I prefer it with Pepsi or orange juice, but we're low on Pepsi and have no juice, so it's straight with an instant iced tea chaser. Aren't I the wild one!

Speaking of wild, and kind of tyeing in with the "another year passing" thing. I think I've found the thing that bothers me most about getting old. While my hair is turning gray and my skin is getting the lovely "biscuit dough" complexion, my mind still wants to be tubing down the river , climbing the cliff face, digging the bands at the bars, and in other ways having fun! Yeah, some of it I could still do, but most of the people I know my age (and few they are) are wet rags, don't party at all! The younger ones don't want to spend their time with and old fart like me, and even if they did, I'd just be the joke, the old guy trying to party with the youngsters. It's a no win situation. Especially being the only one in my family that likes outdoor or drinks! A family tubing trip would be a journey into the gates of hell with this family! "Dirty water!, BUGS!, SNAKES!!!, it's hot, the waters cold! My DS got wet!"

And of course, a lot of the stuff I just couldn't do anymore. Climb a cliff? I get winded climbing a flight of stairs! If I tried, I might be able to get in shape again, but it's a lot harder now than it was when I was 20. And any minor accident? I would guess the bones will go a lot faster now, and heal a lot slower.

So I watch another year go and a new one come, trapped in a body and life that's boring me to death. People say I'm cynical when I wish even one a happy fucking holiday!